Goodbye.

I want to personally thank you for changing me ... in EVERY way possible. You've made me a stronger person, on the inside & out, you've made me learn to never put up with any guys bullshit because i deserve better, you protect me, care for me, cherish me, you've caused me to experience the weakest moments in my life & best moments that I'd never replace. You've shown me what it really means to love unconditionally. I guess that's why it kills me to let you go after all this time. You've caused me to become less vulnerable, which isn't all that great. I will never be able to fully trust, love, & share my feelings without being cautious. I doubt every word that any guy says to me. Part of me wants to hate you for putting me through all of this... the uncertainty, instability, & taking away my ability to fully fall for anyone else. I guess, in a way, my accomplishments that I have made now are a result of everything you have put me through. The more i hurt, the harder i put all my energy into one certain aspect of my life to try & erase you. Now, look at me... 19 years old, entering Nursing school.. i guess that's a little of what i've always wanted though... to get out of college, marry young, & have children. I guess i'm writing this as a way of letting go... letting go of you & trying to rebuild myself so that I am able to have a healthy relationship with someone in the future... But that's the thing, i don't know if i WANT a relationship with someone else anymore, too much drama, too much risk... to get hurt again. Maybe, one day we will meet on a path down this road in life, just know that i am & always will be here for you... i have been for 6 years. Goodbye.

How should i know.

If it feels so right
Feels safe and sound
How can the sky be falling down
If it's all good love
Two good hearts
How can we fall so far apart

How can hearts be breaking in the middle of the night
How can strings come unwound when they've held so tight
On the ride down this road if it's time, time to let go
Tell me, how should I know

If we're still on fire
The burn's still there
Why can't we find flames anywhere
If the sun still shines
No sign of rain
How come nothing's quite the same

How can hearts be breaking in the middle of the night
How can strings come unwound when they've held so tight
On the ride down this road if it's time, time to let go
Tell me, how should I know

Can't help but think
I'll find the answer
Is lying right there next to her

How can hearts be breaking in the middle of the night
How can strings come unwound when they've held so tight
Hearts break, that's how it goes
Tie the strings, no and don't let go
'Cause love tells me

How can hearts be breaking in the middle of the night
How can strings come unwound when they've held so tight
Hearts break, that's how it goes
Tie the strings, no and don't let go
'Cause love tells me
That's how I know

Love tells me

B.C.

Living my life in a slow hell
different girl every night at the hotel
I aint seen the sun shine in 3 damn days
been fuelin up on cocaine and whiskey
wish I had a good girl to miss me
but I wonder if I'll ever change my ways
I put your picture away
sat down and cried today
I cant look at you while I'm lying next to her
I put your picture away
sat down and cried today
I cant look at you while I'm lying next to her

I called u last night in the hotel
everyone knows but they wont tell
but there half hided smiles tell me somethin just aint right
I've been waiting on you for a long time
fuelin up on heartaches and she'd whine
I aint heard from you in 3 damn nights
I put your picture away
I wonder where you've been
I cant look at you while I'm lyin next to him
I put your picture away
I wonder where you've been
I cant look at you while I'm lyin next to him

I saw you yesterday with an old friend
it wuz the same old same how have you been
since you've been gone my worlds been dark and gray
you reminded me of brighter days
I hope to be coming home to stay
I wuz head of the church
I wuz off to drink you away
I thought about you for a long time
can't seem to get you off my mind
I cant stand why we’re living like this way
I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I just called to say I love you
come back home

Myself.

I'm always a mess. I can never keep my own secrets. I laugh to hard at stupid things. my favorite songs can make me cry. I always watch for 11:11, but I miss it more than I notice it. I live in the past, in the memories I have with the people I love. I hate thinking about reality & Im so homesick that it's not even funny. But not homesick in a missing my house kind of way, more like heartsick for all the things I can't get back. It's hard for me to define myself. I guess Im just a cliche'. The girl who loved to hard & didn't get anything in return. I don't want to be the herione in some kind of love story, I just want the one person who has never given me a second thought <3